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Corny Jokes

The Little Paper Bag

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctor.

"Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.

"You look OK to me," said the Doctor. "But I'll do a blood test and see what that shows. Come back and see me in a couple of days."

The little paper bag felt no better when he went back for the results.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked.

"I'm afraid you are HIV positive." said the doctor.

"I can't be! I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper bag.

"Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.

"No, I can't do things like that! I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor.

"No, I can't do things like that! I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor.

"No, I don't have a passport! I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well," said the doctor. "Are you in a homosexual relationship?"

"No! I told you I can't do things like that! I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Then there can be only one explanation," said the doctor. "Your mother must have been a carrier."

The Blow Job

Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly the male whale spotted a ship in the distance. He recognised it as the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he said to his female companion "That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge."

The female agreed to this, so they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship and blew enormous amounts of air under it. The ship flew into the air, crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The whales started to swim off when they realised that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood floating in the ocean.

The male was furious and said to his companion "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said "Oh no! I agreed to the blow job but I'm not swallowing the seamen."

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