One and Two LinersOldie Goldie An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?" The End of the Affair Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A. He wiped his arse, of course. Love Is... Q. What is the difference between love, true love and a show off? A. Spit, swallow and gargle. Weighty Matter Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Messy Lesson Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car? A. You never take her out again. Phone Sex Q. How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex? A. Phone her. True Worth Q.Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it. So Macho Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Mixed Feelings Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. A Matter of Minutes Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. X Means Danger Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Medium Rare Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Eye Contact Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Morning Itch Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A. They don't have balls to scratch. Decorative Value Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. The Difference Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe. A Painful Difference Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A. Oral sex makes your day, but anal sex makes your hole weak.
The Ultimate Difference Q. What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah?" A. About three inches. Yankee Doodle Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. The Giveaway Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. Pregnant Pause Q: How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was pregnant? A: The child stammers. Getting a GripQ: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. Height of Conceit Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
By the Numbers Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Confucius he say...Love is complicated machinery, but sometimes good screw fix it.
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