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Politics and Politicians

The Gold Urinal

Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, Bush asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. Having found his way there, he was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, Dubya told his wife "Just think, when I am President I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

A few days later, Laura Bush had lunch with Hillary Clinton at her tour of the White House. She told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, there was a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary told Bill "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

There's Two Sides to Every Brain

George W. Bush went to see his doctor to get the results of his brain scan.

The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side."

Bush interrupted "That's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"

The doctor replied "That's true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."

No Great Loss

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he goes into one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy.

So the illustrious leader of the free world asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says President Bush. "That would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.

President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy. "Because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

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Newsflash

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A fire on Tuesday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

A Presidential spokesman said the President was devastated, as he had not finished colouring the second one.

Alive and Kicking

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.

Eventually they asked Canada's RCMP for help.

The RCMP cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."

Refreshing Dishonesty

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked "What are all those clocks?"

St.Peter answered "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh!" said the man. "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

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