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Sick Jokes

Camp Fire Tale

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together. They weren't enjoying each other's company.

One morning, the first friend says "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around. You hike south and spend the day looking around. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the camp fire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.

"Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!" the first guy exclaimed. "Your day was much better than mine. Did you get a blow job too?"

"Nah," says the second friend. "I couldn't find her head."

It's Cheap to Share

A salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to enquire about accommodation for the night.

The farmer told him that they had no vacancies, but the salesman could share the farmer's daughter's bed if he promised not to bother her. The salesman agreed and, after a hearty supper, he was taken to the room.

He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed and, although he felt the farmer's daughter at his side, remained the perfect gentleman throughout the night.

The next morning he vacated the room quietly, went downstairs for his breakfast and asked for his bill.

"A tenner will do, seeing as you had to share the bed," said the farmer.

"That's very good of you," replied the salesman. "I hope that it didn't trouble your daughter." He paused for a second and added "But she was very cold."

"I should think she was," said the farmer. "We're burying her today."

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Where's The Boss?

A guy phones his boss, but gets the boss's wife instead.

"He isn't here. I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you yesterday," the wife replies. "He died last week."

The next day the man calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Because," he replied, "I just love hearing it."

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