Urban MythsUp In Smoke This raised a few smiles when it turned up in the mailbox late yesterday afternoon. It sounds too much like an urban myth to be true, but judge for yourself. THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, THE DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY. A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in "a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the quote "fires". NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS. Complaints Apparently these are genuine complaints from council house tenants: 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. ...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just cant take it any more. 3. ...it's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in the back passage. 6. ...and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof, I think it was bad wind that blew them off. 8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, it is coming away from the wall. 10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. 11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children. 13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. 14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 15. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers. 16. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly. 17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me. 18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 19. Our kitchen floor is damp, we have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it. 20. I am a single women living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. 21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 22. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but still have no satisfaction. 23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC 2.
True Stories (or so we're told) When his .38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. ***** The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. ***** A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. ***** After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the twenty mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days. ***** An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. ***** A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the count. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. ***** A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski-mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHERSTICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the robbers' words. ***** Seems an Akansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. ***** As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." ***** The Ann Ardor News crime column reported that a man walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. The man ordered onion rings. The clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. Frustrated, the man walked away. ***** When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage intake by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Send Us Your Jokes Do you have a joke, a story or a picture that's made you laugh or snigger enough to share with our visitors? Then send it to Aaron. |
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